It was my mother-in-law’s third death anniversary. She died on a January due to septicemia. For nearly a year she suffered from kidney failure which was diagnosed as cancer towards the end and nothing could save her.
The first time I saw her was after my marriage was fixed. She came to see her only son’s would be bride and her future daughter-in-law. She was a short lady with not a strand of black hair. She wore glasses with an oval frame and very little ornaments. She was very soft spoken and was a lady with few words. She was a retired teacher. My mum took her around our house and asked her privately about the gold that they were going to give me. My mum told her that the ornaments were all mum’s and asked her if it had to be exchanged to buy new gold.
She very calmly said, "Oh…athinte avashyam illello. Ippolathe kuttikal ithu vallathum idumo?” ["There is no necessity for it. Do children these days use these ornaments?]
I was attracted by that remark of hers.
On the day of my wedding, one of my sisters-in-law called me aside and gave me a brief description about Mama. She told me that mama was a very reserved person and she was absent minded. She told me that I shouldn’t feel bad if mama did not answer to any of my questions because mama would be in a totally different world. I soon realized that my sister-in-law had given a very true picture of my mother-in-law. She was indeed absent minded. One she poured Waterbury’s compound into a meat preparation instead of soy sauce and another time she poured vinegar into a kerosene stove thinking that it was kerosene!!!!!
Mama was a non interfering person. She was always in her own world of books. She was a voracious reader and would read anything she could lay her hands upon. She was interested in English novels. If she found an interesting book she would not look up until she finished her book. She always made it a point to read a novel thrice. The first time she would read between the lines to know the story. The second time she would keep her antique light blue [rebound] Oxford English Dictionary (the pages had turned brownish yellow and would break off if one was not gentle with it) next to her and read the book. If she did not know a word she would refer the dictionary and then continue reading. The third time she read the book continuously. She used to tell me that only if you read it three times would you become thorough with it.
Mama was a good singer. She taught her grandchildren English songs that she learnt from school. Most of her grandchildren developed a flair for music and singing. She used to encourage the children to read and would often buy books for them. Mama wrote all the songs she knew in a diary and handed it over to my daughter. She taught her how to sing all the songs too.
Mama was a patient lady. When I got married I knew how to bake and cook Chinese dishes. I never knew how to cook sambar or avial or rasam or fish curry. She patiently taught me how to make sambar, avail and fish curry. Somehow rasam never penetrated into my thick skull!!!! My cooking will never come any where close to mama cooking. She was an expert cook. People still remember her for her yummy curries and lip smacking pickles.
She was not a religious person. Thanks to her convent education!!!!! She strongly protested against saying of rosary. She would justify that it was just a lip service. According to her saying one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory be to the Father piously was more than enough. She never believed in the orthodox Christian practices. She was a very broad minded person.
If I am what I am today I owe it to Mama. I can never forget what she did for me. At the time of appointment in the higher secondary we were asked to pay a certain amount of money. Since we had made a visit abroad we were not in a position to raise a big sum in a short notice. I was totally upset but never uttered a word to anyone else other than my husband. I decided to sell some of my gold. My sister was ready to buy it. Somehow mama got the hint. She told my husband that she wanted to go to my sister-in-law’s house. She went there and asked her for some money as loan. Believe me, she got the money from my sister-in-law and gave it to me!!!!
When mama's health started to fail she rang up everyone and asked them to come home for Christmas. She invited my parents too. Mama personally rang up everyone and invited them for lunch. On the 24th of December she fell down and then she found it difficult to walk. On Christmas day she had lunch with everyone. From then on there was a sudden deterioration in her health and her condition became worse and she breathed her last in the beginning of January.
For Mama funeral all her grandchildren gathered around her grave and sang “Abide with me” with tear filled eyes. The grand children showed their token of love and respect for their grandmother by singing the very same song which she had taught them as children.
Though Mama was very reserved and absent minded she was a lady with full of love and emotions. She was understanding and caring. She was never a hypocrite. She showed her dislike when she did not like something. She was truly a gem of a person and the vacuum can be felt even today.
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