Live like a king, if not end everything

When I am typing this I’m not sure what my feelings are. Am I angry??? Or frustrated???? Or irritated???? Or am I feeling miserable????? I think I am undergoing all these at one go that I feel like ending everything.

This morning I had to go for my routine blood check up. It showed my blood sugar was high (in spite of taking medicines) and so was my cholesterol level. The doctor told me to stop eating sausages, pork, beef, mutton, mayonnaise,eggs, cheese, butter, shell fish, prawns, fried food, and pastries and of course sugar. I was supposed to reduce the intake of rice too. I was wondering what was left for me to eat???? I gave him a miserable look and he gave me a sweet smile in turn.

By the time I left the hospital it was lunch time. We went to a restaurant for lunch. When I decided to order for American Chopsuey There was a big “NO” from my husband and he scolded me. I immediately declared that I was not going to have lunch. He said it was alright even if I didn’t have my lunch. I felt very bad. I was angry and at the same time very sad too. I wanted to end my life there.

I know I have to control my diet but I won’t tolerate anyone putting restrictions on me. I always believe that one has to live like a king till the very end. I hate leading a life of do’s and don’ts. I hate people keeping on telling me that I am sick and that I am to keep away from all good food.

I tried hard to control my tears (My ego of course!!!) and I succeeded in that. I just kept quiet for the entire lunch, on my journey home and even for dinner time. I decided this afternoon that I was going to starve until death.

What is the point of living like this???? Why should I sacrifice my life like this???? For whom am I living for???? Will anyone lose if I end my life?????? I don’t think anyone is going to miss me. Relationships are all materialistic, right??????

Many good things have been snatched away from me and I have sacrificed many things too. I have decided that I am not going to allow people to interfere in my liking. I am already frustrated with my job and now even my life is becoming miserable. May be very soon I’ll put an end to this life itself. I AM THOROUGHLY FED UP WITH LIFE!!!!!