I was branded a "communist"

From the time I remember my grandmother was a very pious lady who believed in strong Christian (mind you, Catholic) values. These ‘values’ were instilled in her children as well as grand-children too. It was a practice for us children to say our morning prayers- a personal one where we were to thank God for taking care of us at night and ask him to bless our new day and to bless our parents, siblings and teachers. Yes I did pray every morning.
“Thank you Lord for protecting me from all evil last night and thank you Lord for giving me a good sleep,” I prayed.
Then my prayers varied according to my daily requirements. And the usage of words for flattering God varied according to the intensity of my needs. It would be

“Oh my Lord, Mrs. Lopez shouldn’t come to school today” (as I had not done her Maths homework), or

“Oh my very good Lord, (as though he was bad) Ah Kin should get low marks in Science” (she outsmarted me the other day and got more marks in English) or

“Oh my ‘dearest God,’ Daddy shouldn’t come home again or aleast for the next one week” ( I was sure to get thrashed as Mr. Sadhu Singh was sure to complain about my breaking his car’s wiper when I tried to see how it worked) or

“Oh my dear Lord, u are so great and only u can help me to pass in Maths at least once.” Or

“My Lord Derek (my brother) should have ‘loose motion’ so that I can get the lion’s share of cake that Mum baked the other day”.

Very religiously I prayed for the harm of others, for the good of me and to protect me from all the evil elements in school and at home. These were my morning prayers!!!

It was from this background that I went to school…a school which had students from different religions, many sects and creeds. I used to feel very proud to say that I was a Catholic and with that surname of mine I felt that the entire world was under my feet. I had a ‘White’ God who lived in Rome. I thought that the Pope was a ‘seen’ God!!!! ( Heights of ignorance!!!) And that all our Gods were Whites for they had brown hair, light eyes and were fair skinned. My ‘little head’ was stuffed with all those ‘Christian values’ and I was never to raise any doubts about religion at home or anywhere else. If I ever did I was silenced by saying that I was a ‘rebel’ That was the religious me until I was six.

At the age of six I received my ‘First Holy Communion.’ It was a religious ceremony where I received the body and blood of Christ. Just before leaving for church my Grandma told me that I was not supposed to bite the host that the father gave me as blood would ooze out. She also added that it was the body of Christ and I should never touch it with my hands. The first thing that I did as soon as the priest kept the host in my mouth was to bite it and secretly took it out in my hand to see if blood really oozed out. She had told me ‘utter nonsense.’ I came home and declared my grandma a ‘liar.’ She was shocked and so were my parents. My grandmother called me a “communist.” According to her only communists dared to question faith.

She told me that there were the good angels and bad angels. There was a good angel and a bad angel in us. The good angel sat on my right hand and took down all the good things that I did for others in a note book and that it would be written in gold. The bad angel sat on the left side and took down all the sins that I did in a note book with a piece of coal. When I died God would take both the books and see what I did when I was alive. If the good outweighed the bad then I would go to heaven. If not, I would go to hell. I actually believed it. I would hit my left hand hard to chase away the bad angel. I often think that the good angel must not have yet finished a 40 pages note book while the bad angel must have taken more than 10 encyclopedia sized note books for me.


As I grew up I was transformed from a catholic to a “communist” (as I dared to question my grandma’s ‘crazy’ beliefs). I was taught so many unbelievable things and I questioned most of her ‘preaching.’

1. God was the creator of all living things from the minutest micro organisms to the super apes. Nobody else could create any thing (Who created this ‘Creator’ God?)
2. God gave Moses the Ten Commandments and the very first commandment says, “I am the Lord thy God and thou shall not have any strange Gods before me.” If this was so then why is it that there are a number of idols of various hues and sizes inside the church?
3. The ninth commandment always confused me. It said, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s wife.” Men couldn’t covet their neighbours’ wives. So women would covet their neighbours’ husbands. So God was partial to women. (My Grandma would fly into a rage whenever I questioned her about this)
4. Jesus was the son of God and Mary was his mother. What was the role of Joseph in the Bible?
5. Our first parents were Adam and Eve (not apes as Darwin said) and their children were Abel and Cain. If so, how did the population increase with no other women around?
6. God was omnipresent and he took care of us. So we are to give him a share of what we ‘got’. Wasn’t God eligible for a share of all those pinches and punches that I got from mum?
These were just a few of my doubts. Nobody in the family, especially the second generation dared to question her. Questioning her only meant displeasure from her side. Displeasure led to serving smaller portions of fried beef (her beef fry was lip smacking!!!) or orappam. As I did not like orappam much I would afford to question her.

She always sympathized with my Mum saying that she was very unlucky to have a “communist” daughter. By the time I was doing my degree I joined the left party and that left my grandmother shell shocked. She could not accept the reality as she felt that she was losing her grand daughter to unscrupulous elements.

I kept pestering my Grandma with my religious doubts until she died in 2005 at the ripe old age of 98.

PS. I think Benedict XVI should canonize my Grandma to St. Lilly and increase the ‘strange Gods’ inside the church!!!